Rock bottom

Do you know what's the worst part of being 18 years old?
The constant battle between what's right and wrong. The constant battle of choosing to be immature or to be mature. The constant battle of battling with yourself.

Moments like this, I wish that I could bang my head against the wall till my skull cracks open and blood squirts out in a million directions. And let my body drag down to the ground and just rot. (i apologize for my gruesome description, i'm just too imaginative)


Then just before I think of doing such things, I remember that I have someone to hand in my burdens to. I have someone who has already paid the price. A price too high that no human can pay. I have a reason to live. I have a love that is eternal. So deep and true that He layed down His life for me. Do I deserve such love?

The answer is : Yes, I deserve this love.
Why? Because God loves me as much as He loves you. No matter how much you try to reason with yourself, the bottom line is that GOD LOVES YOU.

"There is no greater love than Yours,
Nothing else could ever compare,
And even if I search all the world,
I will never find a love like Yours..."
- "I Just Want You" , Planetshakers.


I've got lots to learn. I'm in the crossroads between what's right and wrong and what's mature and immature. The temptation to cross over to the dark side is great. The thought of doing my own things, going my own way, doing what I want is so great.
Yet the price He paid so that I could live is much greater. So much greater than my thoughts and emotions. So much greater than who I think I am.

Addison Leitch said, "When the will of God crosses the will of man, somebody has to die".
I know who that somebody is.
That somebody is me.

The best thing to do in crossroads? Surrender it all to God.

"Where would we (I) be without You, Jesus?
Where would we (I) be without You, Lord?"
- "Jesus Reigns", Planetshakers.


I MISS YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS