License to Bake

Baking has been one of my favourites since I was a kid. Years ago, whenever my mom went to the bakery to buy some buns for breakfast, the first place I'll go to is the kitchen where magnificent cakes were being baked. Of course they didn't let me in the kitchen, (DUH!) but I watched the way they worked their magic on the icing, the layers, the creaming behind the huge glass window. AWESOME!


So, for the Pan Mee Fella's March babies celebration, I decided to try Michael Smith's double chocolate chip cookie recipe and this is how it turned out.

The cookies are ready to be put into the oven. I love folding it in and finally adding the chocolate chip cookies. The ones sprinkled all around the dough are the extras that I had to force in so that every bite of my cookies would have chocolate chips in it. I'm a big fan of chocolate chips...and the smell of vanilla essence. (just that the taste of it is horrible!)

The tray has finally been greased and the cookies set. I had two trays and eight batches for each tray, so that amounts to a whole lot of cookies. I used the 'Famous Amos' technique to assemble the cookies (mind you, I've watched them do that, so I know). because its way easier than using two spoons which is quite tedious. Notice that every cookies has chocolate chips stuffed in it?

Done! This was my second batch. The first batch came out a little burnt so I had to put it into another container. Honestly, I kept eating two cookies from every batch (and hoping that it won't go straight to my hips).

I enjoyed it and others enjoyed it as well. I don't want to sound conceited but I had good reports about it from Ashwyn, Josiah, Xin En, Sheralyn and U Shen, so that kept me smiling the whole day! HEHE.

I hope to expand my skill and venture into cakes and pies, as well as buns and tarts. Well, little by little, I'll get there. Anyway, I'll keep posting my creations onto my FB and if I'm not lazy, the blog.


My inspirations: Anna Olson and Michael Smith.

:-)

TIME

I discovered that TIME is a good teacher. TIME is not just there to heal, but to train also.
It trains us to wait, especially waiting on God.

Whats the point of instant gratification? After a while, you don't appreciate it anymore. Its value loses day by day, bit by bit.
But if you waited and waited for it and finally you got it, don't you think you'll treasure it and cherish it so much more?

I think thats what God is trying to tell me by all this. Cause I seem to be getting slow answers.

He is telling me to wait for my maturity (which will come bit by bit), independence, driver's license, the courtship that I long for, being able to see the world in a new light, as well as friends.

Its such a relief to just write out all these things instead of holding them in and pressing it down. Thank God for the ability to write out my feelings and thoughts into poetry and stories.

TIME is all we need.

Thoughts afar...

Life is seriously getting lonelier and lonelier...
I really desire to get out of this area and into a place where I don't know anyone. Just to start all over and forget the past.

Thats how I'm feeling right now.

But deep inside, I have another feeling. Maybe I'm learning something from all this. That life doesn't always have to be merry. Sometimes you have to go through the wilderness to get to the promise land. Maybe right now, this is my wilderness. And its so important that while you are in the wilderness, you are in close contact with God because seriously, the temptation to quit is really great.

Three months into the year 2010. How time flies! This year is a year of hard lessons, as how I see it. In our Bible class (the previous CLDP 301), there's this statement on the last chapter of our notes: God never wastes a hurt!
I guess its true because most of life's lessons are learnt when you're going through challenges. When life is smooth sailing, I'm pretty sure there are a few lessons to learn, but the ones that make the impact are the ones that you go through during the tough times. The difficult times when all you want to do is quit.

But for me, I still persevere because I have a reason to live because the life that I now live is not my own. It belongs to someone far greater than what we can comprehend.

From what I see, as the year progresses, the challenges are going to be greater. Tougher and harder to the point where you must surrender all to the Lord. Our dependence on Him gives us the strength to move on when deep inside, all you want to do is give up.

So what about loneliness? How do I go about it?
Well, the only answer that comes to my mind right now is two simple words.
GIVE THANKS.
Just two words that can make a whole lot of difference to what we think and how we feel.

A gift in His time

"My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever"
Psalm 73:26

I don't care what my heart wants to feel, I choose to obey You.
I don't care what my lazy being is telling me, I still choose to follow You.

Its not easy, its not hard. Its somewhere in between. This long road that I walk along, I know that You're right beside me. Sometimes I can't see Your footprints, but inside I know You're still there.
Talking to me, laughing with me and sometimes teaching me a hard, hard lesson.

Life is a journey of endless possibilities. You know the number one desire that I long for. Something I cannot have at this moment. Something I have to wait on You and keep trusting.
Something that brings a smile to my face and warmth to my heart but at the same time, a painful stab on the stomach because of hurt, separation and deep longing.


In all I do, I honour You. Forgive me, Lord for my disobedience.
But thank You, Lord for this precious gift that You've given me.

A gift that I can only unwrap in Your time. A beautiful gift sitting at the shelf, waiting for time to reveal its beauty. Thank you for this person.


"Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living" - Jim Elliot. (God bless his soul)

I'm all set. Here I am, Lord.
I'm all yours.

Beyond the Horizon

There is more to life than what we think is life. I don't know about you, but I'm sick of being complacent. Letting time pass without thinking, just going through the motions and forgetting that in everything we do, we glorify someone greater than us. Greater than this whole universe.

Today, I had to stop and think.

"What am I doing here?"

"Am I going through life without knowing what life is really about?"

As I sat and waited for the answers, I looked outside my window and watched the clouds gliding sleepily across the sky and then shifted my gaze back to my Bible, which was smiling back at me with words of such profound wisdom. And then, slowly, it came.

For me, life is about enjoying a gift that no mortal being can bestow us. Life is a series of events in which we aspire to glorify God in everything that we do or say. Life is about growing, changing and challenging ourselves to reach the full potential that God has placed in our lives. Life is about constant thankfulness to Our Father in Heaven, not wishing that we were like somebody else but enjoying who you are as a person because God did not make a mistake in creating us. We are here for a reason, unique and different as we are.

So as I go through my searching, I ask myself.

"What am I here for?".

Well, this is going to be a question in which I will have to wait for a long period of time before an answer comes from God. But as I visualize it, I see a long road ahead of me. Full of crossroads, petrol stations as well as a destination. As I thought further, I realised that the "crossroads" are life's decisions. Choices that affect us in one way or another. Choices that can either make us or break us. With God's guidance and timing, these choices can sometimes bring us closer to "heaven", so to speak - if we make the right choice.

Then, the petrol stations. For me, it probably symbolizes the fuel from God, that comes from His Word and His love, as well as from His grace and strength to fill and energize us before we find ourselves running on empty. No car, without more than enough fuel can race to its fullest speed and like every other car, sometimes you have to take a while and slow down. And at times, jam the breaks before you crash into your doom.

The destination, is heaven. Or something that the Lord will reveal to me in His time. This place, where birds in the air sing like there's no tomorrow, where rivers of water flow so swifly, sparkling fountains of life. This place called "here" where you truly know God wants you to be, where you feel His peace.

Until I reach this place, there will be the crossroads and the traffic lights. And sometimes the sign boards that guide us to our destination. As well as the police (our spiritual leaders) to keep us on track and at times, to punish us when we need it. Thank God that His grace is sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Looking back, I can say that there were mistakes I've made in the past. Instances where I've grieved the Holy Spirit with my foolish words, or actions that I've done without thinking. Its time I change my perspective but at the same time, my life has to reflect it as well. Easier said than done, right?

But I'll do it. "I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil 4:13)

One saturday during YF, we had a guest speaker, Yoshua Chua who took some time with us and tought about the Parable of the Talents. (Matt 25:14-30). As much as it was exciting and very engaging, he said this very important and very profound statement,

"Who you are is God's gift to us, what we become is our gift back to God".

Wow.

With God's grace, we can reach our potential and be the man (or woman) we were made to be. (Chris Tomlin's "The Way I Was Made" is an inspiration).

Change begins with me. I have to change first if I want to see changes around me.

Impossible? I thought about that at first. But hey, nothing is impossible with God! :)

A New Chapter

So I'm now a college student. Exciting in a way but confusing in another way.
College is so liberated. Seriously.
But at the same time, it feels like the "American-high-school-drama". (if you know what I mean)
That probably makes me the "in between". (the clan in between the 'trendsetters' and the 'trendfollowers')
A term I learned from Meg Cabot's 'Teen Idol' long time ago when I was 15. ( a book that I've read eight times. EIGHT TIMES!)

Finite Maths slightly harder than Add Maths. Even the name itself sounds so hard! (FINITE?? :-S)
Ouch.
and textbook cost RM 75!!!!!!!!!
HELP is quite big. And guess what? I lost my water bottle!


Its really going to take a lot of getting used to.
But I'll pull through.
I'm quite a social mis-fit in college, seeing that everybody is so "in" and I'm quite "out". I always have a book with me and I usually walk around aimlessly (so much so that it created some attention). Everybody looks so cool.

Thank God I don't need to be like everybody!
I won't be caught dead in jeans and my plaid shirt and other t-shirts.

I can't wait to join the Student Council (which is divided into 4 parts), so I decided to join the Publications Sphere (something like editorial board) and be a Matrix Newsletter writer for HMC Leads! I hope and pray that I'll be in. And of course, I'll be joining the CF and maybe Toastmasters? hehehe.

So this is how its going to be for a whole year until April 2011.
Time to grow up, Cessa.
Its a dog's world







God is dealing with my heart, what with this emptiness I feel.. I just want things to go back to normal. God, please help me overcome this emptiness I feel. *tears shed*

End

its ok, cessa.
things will get better.
now its just pulling through.
being strong.
and relying on Him.
this hurt will go away.
this is the sacrifice you have to make.
it'll be all worth it in the end.




... I just don't want to lose my best friend!

F.R.E.E.

Just came back from encounter camp. What an awesome experience!
Besides the teachings and the renunciation, we all had fun as well.
LONG LIVE THE PAN MEE GANG!!

I'm set free. I have finally let go of past wounds and hurts as well as a generational curse that I found out while I was being delivered. Aunty Fur said that mine was quite unusual because I was breathing heavily in and out (like a woman in labour! haha) and let out a few loud cries when the others left the seminar room.
Aunty Fur said it was "beautiful and dignified".


Wow. I didn't know that I have a generational curse because while it was being broken, I breathed heavily more and more and more. I thought it affected my mom, not me.
Anyway, thank God it was all broken!

Besides that, I had loads of fun with my "siblings". We played a confused game of 'sardines' as well as taking pictures and admiring the beautiful sceneries. SIGH... what fun!
Plus, I had some very nice moments that made its mark in my heart. FOREVER. (wink)

Now, I have to keep at it. Keep cleansing and being filled everyday.
What a great camp! It was so great (and scary) to see so many people being set free of bondages. It was a good experience to be exposed to these things as well as to be aware that there are unseen beings around us.

Thank you, Lord for setting me free!!

Random : U Wyn0 the papparazi called me Carissano.

Mops and brooms

Encounter camp tomorrow!

Areas in my life that I need to work on:

• Not complaining
• Being GENUINELY happy for others
• Expanding my circle of friends instead of being with the same people
• Trusting God instead of humans
• Self love, self acceptance, etc.
• Not taking things personally
• PRIDE
• Increasing the strength of my heart
• Accept the fact that I'm different. Not weird. Just DIFFERENT.
• Lazyness and cutting corners
• Mild self-pity and being lenient
• Confidence in God.

"'Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit',

says the Lord of hosts"

- Zechariah 4:6

The process will take time. Its a "weaning process", remember?

The bookworm strikes again!

Again, I'm too busy reading to tear my face away from the pages and onto the laptop screen. Its such a joy to be an avid reader, a bookworm, a literature junkie and a nerd all in one. Besides being engrossed in your imagination, you learn different writing styles and have the ability to comprehend the beauty of language!

I wished I read the book first and then watched the movie. (Sigh...didn't know this book actually existed!) Two sisters, Anne and Mary Boleyn, both competing for the love of a king besides being caught in the pawn of their family's plots. In my opinion, Henry VIII is such a flop! ( I prefer his brother, Arthur) There's just so much of addictive drama between the Boleyns.
Still, I'm appreciating the 16th century setting and the way Gregory tells her story.

This book is incredible! Its so awesome to go into the mind of a man who has Savant Syndrome, an extremely rare form of Asperger's that enables him such intelligence. He sees numbers as shapes and colours. If you ask him to divide 13 by 97, he can give you an answer up to 100 decimal places almost instantly! Wow. Plus, its written in easy language so its simple to read and every page is a discovery!

If only he wasn't gay.

I got this at the bookstore today after negotiating with my mind if I should get "The Time Traveller's Wife" instead (except that the picture here is not the exact cover of the book that I bought. My book cover is way nicer! haha). After discussing a little bit with Josiah, I decided to get this since I was quite inclined to this story rather than the former. I haven't started reading it yet, though, but something tells me this will be a good read.

:-)

Yay!!! I can finally fill up my time the next 2 weeks before I'm off to college!

btw, I'm starting college on the 22nd. YIPPEEE...

........and I can't wait for encounter camp next week!

My Independence Day speech

I was cleaning out my shelf and found my speech, the one I had to present in front of the school in conjunction with National Day last year. So I decided to post it up.

Good morning. Allow me to quote John F. Kennedy, the 33rd president of the United States during his inagural address on January 20th 1961, "And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world; ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man".

How many of us ask ourselves this question? What can we, as citizens of Malaysia do for our beloved country? In my opinion, we don't have to all be politicians to make a difference for our nation. Simple acts of kindness like helping a tourist by giving him directions to his destination or even offering your seat to an elderly person in the bus potrays the the simple love we have for our country. We should all be thankful to God that we love in a peaceful nation where we can go about our daily routine without worrying if a bomb fires in the air or get shot for no reason.

Besides that, the other way to show our love towards our country is to love one another. Be it Malay, Chinese, Indian or whatever heritage you come from. Being considerate and respecting one another's beliefs will create a multi racial society that understands one another, therefore building a network of patriotic citizens. Learning and experiencing different cultures also creates a platform for us to appreciate our country that is rich in heritage and traditions. Don't you think that its so interesting that we live in a country full of colours and culture from long ago?

To love our country is to first love our neighbour. And you may ask yourself, "Who is my neighbour?". Well, look around you and you'll see the essence of what Malaysia is to us.

Thank You.

Selamat Hari Merdeka.

27th August 2009

:)

Blondie - as Casey calls it

"When you meet somebody whom you care about, its just hard to walk away" - Sarah Walker, "CHUCK".

Very true, Sarah.
Very true

:-)

Tick tock, goes the clock.

People have been asking me why I'm so quiet. To answer that question, I actually talk a lot. Seriously, I do. Just that it all happens inside.
-wait, did I answer the question? oh well-

My mind has been really talkative lately and its quite tiresome in fact, but at the same time, exciting because no one actually knows what goes on in my head. And quite depressing some times when a volcanoe errupts in my brain. (if you know what I mean)

Sigh, its sad to see what the world is becoming today, in terms of natural disasters. Ever since the Tsunami hit back in 26th December 2004, have you realised that more and more earthquakes, hurricanes, and the like have been happening quite often?
Now with the earthquake in Chile. I've been quite up to date with it since I'm one of TIMES ONLINE's frequent readers.
Its time that I know more about whats happening around the world instead of being stuck in my cave of "don't-know-don't-care" mindset.

And since my dad doesn't buy newspapers (he's on a boycott since he says its government propaganda and decided to stop giving them business) so I decided to be more ''tech-savvy" and read news online.


One comment I can say about all this is that the Lord is coming soon.
Are we ready?
Will I be here when rapture hits?

Or will I still be so concerned and wrapped up in my own dilemmas? Frivolous dilemmas, for that matter?


Looks like I have some serious thinking to do.
Time is running out.