Dear Jane

Dear Jane,

The one reason that compels me to become a mother one day is how children can make me smile despite the negative feelings inside me. Today in church, I had the opportunity to keep Cynthia with me almost the whole time. As she slept in my arms throughout the service and laid her head on my chest, I felt a tinge of motherly love. How you carefully shift your position so that her head is placed properly, how you check from time to time to see if she's comfortable and not having difficulty breathing, how your body aches with the weight of a toddler on you but you just don't care because all you want to see is her satisfied face while she's deep in dreamland. How you immediately rush to her aid when you feel her stir in her sleep and the pressure she exerts on your body because she's not comfortable.

Her heartbeat was so steady as she slept in my arms throughout the service, how I could feel her breathing on me as her tiny body moved up and down on me. I didn't want to let go. When the others came, I had to reluctantly pass her on once she was wide awake and ready to play.

She made me feel better today just by letting me look after her and do her mom a favour.

One day, I want to become a mother. To carry a baby in my arms -that came from me- and raise her/him up together with my husband. In this modern era, so many view motherhood as

"robbing the joys of a woman", but in my opinion, motherhood is the best gift God can give to a woman, despite the numerous times when she has to lay down her life for her children.

Oh how I wait for the day when I have Shoshana in my arms...

18.11.2010, 3.50 pm.

Taken from "Dear Jane and other stories."