Dear Jane

Dear Jane,

I feel new. I feel alive. The Lord has finally blessed me so much, so abundantly and I can finally receive His blessings without thinking that I'm unworthy or condemned. Yesterday I chose to see things differently. The past week has been a painful week for me, I'm sure you know. I've been praying to see things in a new light , but nothing. Finally the breakthrough came last night.

I now know what it means to wait on the Lord. During your time of adversity, you sit and wait and battle within yourself, "How long is this going to take?". Its such a slow and tedious process, so much so that you just want to give up. Then after a period of pruning and "cucuk-ing" while you continue to rely on His Word and pray fervently, the Lord jumps in, fights the battle for you, wins and then you are set free. I have come to realise that its the waiting part that shapes you up, not so much the rescuing.

God came through for me. My battle of low self esteem, always thinking that I don't deserve good things (like LOVE), and feeling left out has been fought, the battle of bashing myself up so badly, and self-righteousness. That is why the Lifehouse "Everything" skit is so important to me. You have to call on Him, do your utmost best to reach out to Him during your pain, because when He rescues you, its heroic. Seriously.

Moreover, about the independence issue, my parents said that I'm not ready. You know what? OK la. I'll give them time to adjust and slowly release me and give them time to see that I am matured, capable, responsible and a reliable girl. I will enjoy the bumpy road to liberty because I'm fully aware that it won't be a nice one.

Thank God for a good friend who has had the patience to bear with me, through ups and downs and took time to listen and advise me. You're such a great person, and I highly respect you and am so much inspired by you. Thank you for being there, it made me feel better. Just learn to take a compliment, ok? :-)

Today, the Lord remembered me. The same way He remembered Leah and Hannah all those years ago, He also remembered me and my cries.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

taken from "Dear Jane and Other Stories" by Carissa Morais

23/2/2010, 8pm