She Walks in Beauty

I am currently learning this poem on my own:

She walks in Beauty

SHE walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that 's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impair'd the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.


And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!

George Gordon Byron, Lord Byron. 1788–1824


Such beautiful language!

What I found in Jalan Kenangan...

Its funny how time can change a person's looks.
Just watch and see...

This is me at age 12, year 2004 I think, with Valerie. Truth is, I'm still keeping that indian costume for remembrance. No wonder I had self-image problems back then!

age 15. The big nerd showing off her PMR cert. Haha, look so "rounded"

Current picture, taken yesterday at Palace of the Golden Horses. Will be turning 18 in May. Honestly, I don't see much difference.

I'm not the type that posts pictures of myself on the net (or anywhere else for that matter!), but this was one post that I had to post. It was a trip down "Jalan Kenangan" and to always remind myself and everybody else that you will eventually grow into the person you want to be. All it needs its just TIME.

I'm so glad that I don't look the same way I did back then!

:-)

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala...

YAY! I'm starting college in April.
Finally.

But I still can't drive.

And I still don't know when my SPM results are coming out.

:-/

Miss watermelon and turtle and my fellow flamingo penguin :-P

"God only knows what I'd be without you..." - The Beach Boys.
Yay, thanks to Josiah, I have Pet Sounds and Endless Summer now! Yipppeee.....

"So what good would living do me?"
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.


"Help me Rhonda, help help me Rhonda..."

Dear Jane

Dear Jane,

I feel new. I feel alive. The Lord has finally blessed me so much, so abundantly and I can finally receive His blessings without thinking that I'm unworthy or condemned. Yesterday I chose to see things differently. The past week has been a painful week for me, I'm sure you know. I've been praying to see things in a new light , but nothing. Finally the breakthrough came last night.

I now know what it means to wait on the Lord. During your time of adversity, you sit and wait and battle within yourself, "How long is this going to take?". Its such a slow and tedious process, so much so that you just want to give up. Then after a period of pruning and "cucuk-ing" while you continue to rely on His Word and pray fervently, the Lord jumps in, fights the battle for you, wins and then you are set free. I have come to realise that its the waiting part that shapes you up, not so much the rescuing.

God came through for me. My battle of low self esteem, always thinking that I don't deserve good things (like LOVE), and feeling left out has been fought, the battle of bashing myself up so badly, and self-righteousness. That is why the Lifehouse "Everything" skit is so important to me. You have to call on Him, do your utmost best to reach out to Him during your pain, because when He rescues you, its heroic. Seriously.

Moreover, about the independence issue, my parents said that I'm not ready. You know what? OK la. I'll give them time to adjust and slowly release me and give them time to see that I am matured, capable, responsible and a reliable girl. I will enjoy the bumpy road to liberty because I'm fully aware that it won't be a nice one.

Thank God for a good friend who has had the patience to bear with me, through ups and downs and took time to listen and advise me. You're such a great person, and I highly respect you and am so much inspired by you. Thank you for being there, it made me feel better. Just learn to take a compliment, ok? :-)

Today, the Lord remembered me. The same way He remembered Leah and Hannah all those years ago, He also remembered me and my cries.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

taken from "Dear Jane and Other Stories" by Carissa Morais

23/2/2010, 8pm

Access Denied

The Lord will remember me.
He will remember my plea.
The same way He remembered Hannah and Leah, He will also remember me.
I'll just have to wait.
And wait.
And wait.

So I spoke to my parents about it. They said no.
I'm not responsible enough for independence.
OK.
So I'll just accept the fact that I'm missing out on all the fun, fellowship and that I'm really left out.
Well, since this issue is beyond my control, I'll just work on the things I can control.
Which is the way I'll respond to whats happening.

I will not show emotion. I cannot show emotion.
I must be strong. And endure and wait.
I must believe that the Lord will remember me and grant me what I'm hoping for.
I will take this as training.
I will CHOOSE to see things from a different perspective.


No (wo)man is an island.
YEAH RIGHT!


Gosh, I don't want to turn 18. I'm too immature for that age.

Out of Forgiveness

Clouded perspective, I'm trying to change it.
My wounded heart, I'm just waiting on the Lord to bring the pieces back to together.
Will not fall into the pit of self-pity, but will count my blessings.

Will try my best not to show emotion.
Self-control.
Feeler, will do my utmost best not to let my emotions rule.

Trying to smile, but underneath it hurts.
Want to fly, but my wings are tied down to the nest.
Lonely, does anybody care?

"To be known is to be loved,
to be loved is to be known"

Hold on, wait on Him.
Everything will be OK.
My sighing is not hidden from You, O Lord.


Hold me close, I don't want to let You go.
Where would I be without You, Lord?
Who am I?

A prayer to God

Dear God,

I don't know how I feel right now. Please comfort me as I cry in silence. My heart wails deeply, I need to trust in You. Lord, help me realise that time is a good trainer. Help me to give myself space to grow into the person I want to be, the permission to fail and a pat on my back when I succeed.

Most importantly, Lord, help me to forgive myself. Help me not to set unrealistic expectations on myself and I acknowledge that I'm a sinner. Dear God, help me to see You as a merciful father, that I don't have to bash myself up so bad whenever I mess up. The same way that You have forgiven me, help me to also forgive myself.

O God, speak to my parents' hearts and let then grant me independence. I realise Lord, that "with great power comes great responsibility". So show me the things I can do to gain my parents' approval. I ask, O God, that You'll grant me wisdom to approach this subject to my parents.

Dear God, minister to my broken heart and comfort me. Help me internalize Your word and not my thoughts. Open my mind, that I will change my perspective, to be more positive and cheerful.

Lastly, O Lord, help me to be thankful and to count my blessings. Grant me the maturity to receive and acknowledge Your blessings. For whatever happens, I choose to praise You. You are Sovereign.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord had taken away;

Blessed be the name of the Lord"

- Job 1:21

AMEN.

:-)